Monday, June 18, 2012

The Day I Realized My Full Potential

This is an epic story.  So please, sit back, relax, and get ready for a journey into my soul.

If you read my last post, then you know that a couple Saturdays ago I went boating with some of my awesome friends. What I didn't tell you is that I didn't put sunscreen on.  Well, I put in on everywhere but my legs.  I thought to myself, "Oh, they won't get burned..."

Tip for the future:  If you EVER think those words to yourself, don't listen!  You're lying!  Just put the sunscreen on!

After boating, I felt fine all day.  But the trouble came when I put on my jeggings that night.  

Oh jeggings, why do you have to be so comfortable, but oh so constricting?

I went up to my friend Meika's, and my legs started BURNING.  We were going to go watch some fireworks that night, but I seriously didn't know how I was going to make it through the night with my legs feeling the way they were. We were trying to decide whether to actually go to fireworks or not, when our friend called and said that we could just go over to his apartment and watch a movie.  So we decided that sounded like fun, except for the fact they my legs still felt like they had molten lava running through them. 

So, I ask my friends if we can stop off at Walmart before going to our friend's, so I can get some loosey goosey lounge pants that will help my legs breathe a little.  When we pulled into the Walmart parking lot, we made a joke about me putting on the pants in the store, and then just wearing the pants as I pay for them, and just giving the cashier the price tag.  I have to admit, it sounded pretty enticing.  Nothing sounded better than getting those pants on as soon as possible.  But I am just not the type of person to do that.  I follow rules.  Rules state that you must purchase something before using it.

We find the lounge pants section of Walmart, and I was walking like a crazy person because my legs were hurting so much.  We find a pair that I like, and I go to the dressing room to try them on.  I was seriously considering wearing them out of the store, but really afraid that the dressing room police would arrest me as soon as I stepped out of the room with the unpaid-for pants on.  So I made Meika come in with me.  I take of the jeggings (oh sweet glory) and put on the lounge pants.  It was like taking a breath of fresh air after being locked in a porta-potty.  I knew there was no way I was putting those jeggings back on.  But I was still afraid of wearing them out of the room.  That's where Meika comes in.  She just ripped off the tag and gave it to me.   So I stuffed the jeggings in my purse, and sneak out of the dressing room so the girl (who looked about 14 years old) wouldn't tackle me and make me take off the pants.

So I get to a check out lane, and Heather and Bryn are nowhere to be found.  I knew Heather had to be there for my checking out experience, so I called her up.  She answered, "So is this your one phone call from prison?"

Witty, she is.

I tell her to hurry to the checkstand.  I'm sitting there holding the tag, not knowing whether to actually put it on the conveyor belt or not.  Also, I'm scoping out the cashier wondering if she's going to chew me out, look at me like I'm a freak, or just play it cool.  The man in front of me finishes paying for his items (he wasn't wearing any of his purchases...) and I hand the tag to the cashier.  I said, "... I'm wearing the pants.  Here's the tag."

I don't know what I was expecting: sirens or SWAT team to come in to lock me up for the rest of my life.  But, shocker, it didn't happen.  She just took the tag, acting like this happened 7 times a day.

She handed me the receipt, and I felt like a new woman.  I felt invincible.  I had just bought pants while wearing them.  I felt like a whole new world was open to me and I was finally ready to take it on.

Guys, do not underestimate the power of Walmart lounge pants.

2 comments:

  1. Love this! Especially the analogy of taking a breath after being trapped in a porta potty. Classic Jen!!

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  2. You are my hero. The next step is to pay for something entirely with pennies, and then you will be the jedi master of purchases.

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